Become a Better Listener
Listening effectively saves time, prevents problems and strengthens relationships. Good listening skills are needed since listening is the prime source of gathering information. Listening is not the same thing as hearing. Listening is a mental process not a physical one. We translate the words that we hear in our brain into information that we can understand and use when we listen well. About 45% of our time is spent listening during our communication with others. So listening is very important to the success of our everyday lives.
Most difficulties amongst people are due to poor listening skills. Instead of listening, we are busy thinking about what we are going to say next. We get distracted from what
people are saying to us by thinking about their mannerisms or what is going on around us. We frequently interrupt before the other person is finished speaking. Without realizing it we drift off what the person is actually saying because we think we know what's going to be said next. We may tune him out because we do not like his appearance or decide that what is being said isn't worth listening to. We hear only what we want to hear. We have developed the skill of “tuning out” to help us survive living in the fast-paced world of today. Often we fail to make good eye contact with others or not look at the person at all. Anyone can learn to listen well with hard work and practice. The rewards are great.
Good listening is hard to do. It is an active activity, which requires energy and focus. To understand, to learn, to enjoy, to help and support are the goals of good listening skills. Listening is a learned art and gift. The first step is to decide to listen and to know when you are not listening. Ask yourself, “Can I repeat, rephrase and clearly state what has been said to me?”
- Get ready to listen. Give the person you are listening to, your undivided attention. Avoid looking away from him.
- Use good eye contact. Look at the person who is speaking to you so you can pick up on non-verbal cues. You show the speaker respect by looking at him and he will know you are listening. Let him know you understand him by nodding and smiling. Leaning forward slightly shows that you are interested.
- Don't talk while someone is speaking. A good listener will allow the speaker to finish his sentences and not interrupt the speaker's thought. Pause before you answer to allow yourself to form the thoughts you want to say. Match your thoughts to the speaker's thoughts.
- Avoid jumping to conclusions and quick judgments. Resist the temptation to talk over the speaker. Don't assume you know what the speaker is going to say.
- Concentrate on what is not being said. Listen to the tone of the speaker's voice; watch the facial expressions, and the way the speaker moves.
- Ask questions. Use who, what, when, where and why questions to get a clear understanding of the speaker's message. Repeat in your own words what you think the speaker has said and ask, “Am I understanding this correctly?”